


The Last Time

by Missgracie842



Category: H.O.T. (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, One Shot, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:27:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27035665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missgracie842/pseuds/Missgracie842
Summary: Woohyuk will do anything to have Tony
Relationships: An Seungho | Tony/Jang Woohyuk
Kudos: 3





	The Last Time

**Author's Note:**

> Wow so, I’ve only posted my BTS stories here before but years and years ago I went by the handle Alexial_Sama and wrote loads of H.O.T fanfictions (yay 1st gen Kpop!). I see that AO3 now has some amount of H.O.T fics so I thought I’d reshare them on here and hope they have a more permanent home. This one I’m sharing I wrote in 2007 and it’s one my personal favorites.
> 
> Here’s my old authors note/  
> I kinda cried while writing this .Of course I was also listening to "Ga Ryuh Jin (Jangsaeng theme)" by Jang Jae Hyung off the King and the Clown OST, which is a heart-rending song TT_TT I kinda tried to make the story have a similar sort of feeling as the song

I know I’m fucked up. Tony An will never tell me that to my face, fuck, he won’t even let himself believe it, but I know I am. Somewhere along the line, somewhere between adoration, desperation, and bitterness, logic started to twist, until I convinced myself that every desperate, bitter thing I did, I did for him. I DID do it for him, only for him for me. For my heart, not his.  
The first time, I was innocent. He came to my room one night, red-eyed, heartbroken, and unbidden lay beside me, let me comfort him. His girlfriend had cheated on him. I held him in my arms and for those moments, he was mine.

I fucked his next girlfriend. I’d found a condom in our bathroom wastebasket, and all I could think about was him touching her like that. I wanted to wipe everything of him off her and keep it for myself. She didn’t deserve Tony anyway. She’d only known me for a week. The night after that, she broke up with him. He came to my bed again, eyes wet with tears, never even considering it could have been me. After that I couldn’t go back. Women came into his life, I forced them out again. Most of them I fucked, others I scared away. I convinced myself it was for him, that I couldn’t let him be with someone who cheated on him, or wouldn’t stick by him. And I convinced myself, that eventually he’d realize that I was the only one who would never leave him. That I was the only one who would always be there for him, and always love him. Yes, I know full well how fucking twisted that logic is. I believe it though, because I need to. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to get up in the morning.

He’s never suspected me though, not even a little. He lays close to me, tells me he has terrible luck with women, that he’s cursed. Yes, he is cursed. I’m a curse on him, because I need him to be mine, because my obsession with him is rotting me from the inside, because I’ve stopped caring for any other living creature but him. All those women who I hurt, deceived, used, I’ve never felt even a whisper of remorse for their pain. As long as Tony is near me, as long as he lays his head on my shoulder and lets me put my arms around him, I don’t care about anything else. But the really really fucked up part, is that I know he doesn’t love me. He doesn’t love me, but I can’t let him love anyone else. 

Tonight was a Saturday. Friday, I’d had my hands between his new girlfriend’s legs. ‘You think you deserve him?” I’d whispered maliciously in her ear as she arched her hips. “Look at yourself. He trusts you, can you look him in the eye now?” They were words that came from somewhere deep inside of me. I’d meant them for her, but they were for me. Still, I knew by the look on her face that she wouldn’t be able to face him again and so now, I waited. And like I knew he would, Tony came to me.

He eased open my bedroom door, shuffling his feet a little, then closed it behind him. My bedside lamp cast a low glow through the room, playing shadows over the uneven area made by my legs under the covers. His eyes where full of tears and he looked somehow desolate. Sadder than I had ever seen him.

“Again?” I asked in a soft voice.

He nodded silently, padded to my bedside and lay carefully next to me, his head resting just on the edge of my shoulder.

I put my arms around him and held him close. I knew he’d taken a shower before coming because his hair was still damp near the roots and his skin was soft and smelled like soap. I could feel him breathing, his chest rising and falling with each breath. My hands were trembling. He knows. He knows that I love him. He has to, because I shake like this every time I hold him.

For a long time, he was quiet. And then he tilted his head up, looking me in the eyes, and said, “WooHyuk.” He looked so sad, sounded so sad. “You know, this is the last time.”

Something in me jolted.

I was asking my mother, tugging on her skirt, “Please? Please mom? Read it again, please?” She was putting on her coat, standing next to a suitcase.

“All right,” she said with a sad smile, kneeling and pulling me into her lap. “I’ll read it for you again WooHyuk.” She kissed my hair. “But, this is the last time.” And it was. I never saw her again. 

“I know,” Tony told me. “WooHyuk, I know what’s been going on. I’ve known for a long time now.”

I jerked away, staring at him. My head was filled with white noise.

“We can’t go on like this Hyuka. I’m leaving in the morning. We won’t....” his voice caught, “see each other again. It’s too painful for both of us.” He took a deep breath and suddenly tears where spilling down his cheeks. “You’re my best friend, oh my God, it’s so unfair. I’m so sorry.” He was weeping now, his face shone with tears. “I’m sorry you have to be miserable because of me. If I could..if I could I’d...”

“Why?” I asked. Nothing had hit me yet. I felt frozen. “Why did you let it go on?”

“I guess, until now, you were always more important to me.” His voice was soft. “But I’ve met someone now, and I can’t give her up.” He reached out and touched my arm softly. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I had to choose.”

I exploded. “You mean MinJoo!? Huh!? She’s already cheated on you!”

Tony looked at me with the most unbearable expression in his eyes. I could see it. He pitied me. “I know,” he said. “She told me, and I forgave her. She’s the only one that’s ever asked for my forgiveness.”

It felt like there was a large stone on my chest, slowly getting heavier and heavier, crushing my heart and lungs inch by inch. “You can’t,” I said, aware of the growing desperation in my voice. I didn’t want him to hear me beg, but I couldn’t keep the words from spilling out. “You can’t. Stay. Just stay. I won’t touch her again. Just...” Just let me keep seeing you. 

He shook his head slowly, fresh tears still falling. “No WooHyuk. I have to leave. Look,” he tried to grin through his tears, “if you want...you can kiss me once, before I go.”

Someone else, anyone else, would have looked at me in fear and disgust and anger, and perhaps it would be easier that way. But here Tony was, offering me this. Only him. I knew that. Only him. Roughly I grabbed his shoulders, bringing my lips close to his, feeling his breath against my face. His eyes were wide, but not afraid, his pink lips parted slightly. If I kissed him now...if I kissed him now, it would haunt me for the rest of my life. 

With a snarl, I threw him violently to the floor, my chest heaving as I glared down at his shocked face from the bed. “Get out!” I yelled at him. “Get out of here!” Like an injured animal, I lashed out at everything in my path. I grabbed my digital clock off the bed stand and hurled it against the wall. A glass half full of water was next. It shattered brilliantly, showering half the room with glass and water. “Get the fuck out!” I screamed, blind with fury and pain I couldn’t describe. Tony stared at me in fear, scuttling backwards from his position on the floor. He was holding his arm against his chest, and I could see a dark bruise already forming around his elbow.

“WooHyuk...” he managed weakly, watching me in horror as I shoved the whole bed stand over, knocking the lamp against the wall, still screaming at him, wanting to destroy everything. 

Finally he got to his feet and ran out, slamming the door behind him. I heard a thump as he slid to the ground with his back against my door and began to sob.

My sudden fury drained, and for the first time, I wept over him. I collapsed in the middle of my room, feeling little shards of glass cutting into my arms, and wept uncontrollably.

When I opened my eyes, there was pale light coming in from my window. I stood and went out onto my balcony. I lit a cigarette and sat cross legged. It was the middle of November and the sky was a featureless grey, the wind bitingly cold. It tugged at my hair, cutting through my thin t-shirt but I didn’t care. After awhile, I saw a car pull up and MinJoo got out. A moment later Tony came out the front door. He was carrying a suitcase.

“I love you.” I told him quietly.

He couldn’t have heard, but something made him glance up. Our eyes met. He smiled at me, a sad, sad smile, and then turned away, putting his arms around MinJoo, hiding his face in her hair. A heavy gust of wind caught the ash from the end of my cigarette. I imagined a piece of it brushed his cheek before swirling off to be lost forever in the cold November morning.


End file.
